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Fantastic Four has been getting torn apart by critics lately, but it’s hard to raise that much ire for it; it’s simply a boring, bland failure of a movie.

Four scientists teleport to a strange alternate dimension, and return to Earth with a diverse array of superpowers.

Fantastic Four is, simply put, weak set-up with an unsatisfying conclusion.

The flat actors have no chemistry together, the dialogue is incredibly heavy-handed and the plot is full of ridiculous contrivances (not least of which being a 10 year-old Reed Richards creating a teleporter in his garage using spare parts and a chain of Nintendo 64s).

Save for some morbidly intriguing body horror, the tone is unrelentingly grim and humorless (especially compared to the original Marvel comics) to the point of alienating the viewer.

Most of the effects are decent, but many (including the Human Torch’s flames and Richards’ stretching scenes) stick out as lazy.

The film spends 90 minutes (almost the entire running time) simply gathering the Four together, with the heroes’ exploration of their powers and their employment by the US military as unexplored afterthoughts.

The film then culminates in a paltry, static action scene with the villain, Dr. Doom (Toby Kebbell), in which the stakes and Doom’s motivations are very poorly-defined.

Fantastic Four fails to fulfill for anybody, let alone fans of the source comics.